I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
