using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
