I think i sorta joined a cult last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
