my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
