So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
