Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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