Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
