He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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