yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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