Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
