Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
