i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
