I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
