i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
