I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
