You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When are your genitals available?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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