ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
