"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
