i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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