I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
