I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
