Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How naked do you want me to be?
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