My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There r osticjed everywhere
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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