I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
