Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
