are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
