I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize