A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just shotgunned beers for America
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
