is your mom at the bar?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
