i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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