idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
