I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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