Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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