And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
