So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
