we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
