plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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