sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think my nap took me to another dimension
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He has the fingertips of a God
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