the day after is always just damage control
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize