Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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