You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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