Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
