I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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