my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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