I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
