I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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