My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
