I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
