people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
