That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
