Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
