I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
