Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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