Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize