My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
