Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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