Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize