Do vagina's smell?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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