i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have fence marks all over my body
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
