think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
