Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
please come you make the beer taste better
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
