Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
