Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
