my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
