I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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