i just wanna soil my oats bro
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your penis caused this!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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