He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
