He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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