So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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