I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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