her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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