I want you more than these girls want KFC
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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