what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
